Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
