dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you didnt know i had herpes?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
