it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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