worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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