so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
