I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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