you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
