Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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