Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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