just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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