what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
