Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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