Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
