you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
