apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
