I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
