God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
