Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
