Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
