Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
