even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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