I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
