So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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