I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize