So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
