jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
