Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
