at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize