So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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