i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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