Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
