My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize