I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
