Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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