I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
