wat bout pragnant strippers??
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
