There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
