I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
