apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
