OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
