....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize