I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
