Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
where are you?
Hypothermia
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
