he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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