Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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