I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
