I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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