Pappa wants mamma naked
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
