hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
