shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
