after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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