what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
did i just pee glitter
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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