my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
