Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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