I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
