i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
