All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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