Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
