hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
