Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
