You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
