just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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