I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
