i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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