I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's always time for handjobs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
