thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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