im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize