She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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