I wish my penis had an off switch
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
