Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
