I think my fart just growled at me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
