he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
