hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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