I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
