just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
