Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
