the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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