I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
His nipple licking is glorious
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