i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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