Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Say something about gay babies.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
