what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
