My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
jump out the window naked night went bad
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