it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
