I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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