You work out of a Hotel?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize