his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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