Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
