i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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