Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize