I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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