If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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