This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize