Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
vagina is talking i cant
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
