bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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