Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
do herpes really smell.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
